I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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