I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
