Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize