Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
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I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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