i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
