i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
