The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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