OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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