evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
