You're my little dorito
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
