Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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