Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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