Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
