Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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