Duck Duck Cougar?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
