I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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