Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
