Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
