MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize