The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
