I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
