The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
