I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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