In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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