Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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