If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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