Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
