so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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