Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
not ubering you a puppy
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
