Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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