The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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