i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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