i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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