I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
