Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
