I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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