i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
