By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
