You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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