i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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