Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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