Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The air was thick with penises
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
