Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
