i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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