I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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