eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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