Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
