Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
