Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
