OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
