don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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