I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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