Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
