Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
