we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
God, you're like boner-b-gone
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
