Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
