Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
