Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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