on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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