i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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