I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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