Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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