He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
