Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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