I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
