I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she pinky promised me she was 18
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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