I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
