The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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