I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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