i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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