I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
