i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
