Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
