i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
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Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I need water and some morals
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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