I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
