I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
