i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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