i already hear my dad disowning me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
