return my video game
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
