did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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