I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
