I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
