dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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