i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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