And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
