I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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